


Whats In A Name, A Juno Steel Case

by RivTheWriter



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Angst and Feels, Character Study, Emotional, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Heavily Implied Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel, Im in this podcast deep and love juno's way of speech, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Character Death, In Juno's Pov, Its just a character study, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Names, POV First Person, Spoilers, about names, guys im sorry, its really sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-16 12:27:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21036227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RivTheWriter/pseuds/RivTheWriter
Summary: Whats in a name?Its a question everyone asks at least once in their lives.even myselfwhat is in a name? a small little sound that we use to call ourselves who we are. determining who we are not.My name is juno steel.





	Whats In A Name, A Juno Steel Case

**Author's Note:**

> Before we begin Id like to say Thank You to my best friend and sibling WonderfullyMajical! They have always inspired me and gave me hope.
> 
> Thank you so much fam. ily so much. you helped me come so far.

Whats in a name?

Its a question everyone asks at least once in their lives.  
even myself

what is in a name? a small little sound that we use to call ourselves who we are. determining who we are not.

My name is juno steel. 

his was Rex Glass. and then Peter Nureyev. and then Christopher Morales and Duke Rose and... 

And even though i knew he never went by the same name each time i saw him. even though I promised myself i wouldnt give in to him again. even though he always left. always flirted always joked always...

I always did.  
I always gave in

I dont know if it was the smell of his cologne. the nutty spice smell of.. a far off planet i longed to see with him.. 

or if it was his eyes. so deep. with hidden sadness and regret that was hidden from such a young age that i can see only because i too hid that kind of hurt.. 

maybe it was his smile. his sharp teeth peeking over his lip. pressing into it just right that i just wanted to lean in and feel those silky and plush lips on my own. to feel his teeth nip at my lip teasingly to hear him whisper my name so lovingly-

...damn it steel. get yourself together.

So whats in a name? who cares whats on your birth certificate? all my life i never understood. growing up you dont really go by names. not in oldtown. you go by nicknames. anything to keep you from being known too well. Unless of course you have three good friends and....... a lot of famillial regret.

for me it was JJ. to my close friend Sasha and.. my at one time crush, though I. quiickly got over that- ahem. and to my close friends sister... and my family....or.. what family i had.. i was Juno.

and then it was Officer Steel. And then Mr Steel and Detective Steel and, cant believe im even counting this one. Junebug.. and then.... and then it was..

Dahlia Rose.. 

a name given to me by a man who wears names like outfits. and it felt. perfect and wrong all at the same time. because he was Duke Rose. and we were pretending to be married and I loved every second of it. even if i didnt trust him. even if every fiber of my instincts were telling me to flee. I stayed and i pretended and i fell for him even more. until he basically put my life on the line as a barganing chip and then we had a spat in the restroom and god hes so handsome when hes irritated but i was hurting and i wanted to trust him because i loved him.

i loved him.

and when i got back to my office i was back to being mr steel. detective steel. and worst of all

just. steel. everyone was so mad at me at the hcpd. the cheif. the officers. everyone and i know i did some things in the past and i know im a fuck up but..

but when my name was used in the way they used it I felt like. my name wasnt my own. not anymore.

it was just something someone calls me when they were angry or sad or flirty and when i was nothing but a screwup

a defective detective

someone to point at and say "you ruined everything. you failed everyone you ever loved and cared about and got so many killed or imprisoned and no one will ever love you"

"a name isnt your own. unless you make it your own." Sasha told me this. a long time ago. before annie.. before.. before everything. back when we were drinking at the poor n floor and joking about the "king of the highway"'s theories and stories.

i suppose thats whats in a name.

each mess up. 

each loved one lost

each brush of lips against anothers

each and every thing you did in your life

had i been anyone else. i would have probably changed my name. i wouldnt have gotten into any of this.

but if that had been the case. i wouldnt have been me. 

and no one would have been here when someone needed them most. not when Cass killed her father. Not when the prince's husband was murdered. Not.. Not there when we got Annie lost. alone and afraid

how many other annies would have happened. had someone not done anything?

but then again. maybe annie would have never gotten lost

maybe my brother would still be here and maybe

just maybe

things would be better..

but what about everyone i care about? what about Alisandra? Sasha? Rita? Valles? ...Peter?

where would they be without me here? would they still be who they are today? would they even still.. be here?

If i were gone would Miasma gotten what she wanted all along?

.....maybe thats a thought for another day. another case. another cup of whiskey to look into and feel sick when i see my reflection because im nothing but a disappointment..

whats in a name?

Everything. but your name doesnt have to be the one on your birth certificate for it to be your name. choose any name you want. anything that feels right to you.

thats whats in a name.

and my name is Juno Steel.  
But its also Dahlia Rose.

and im pretty sure they always will be my names. At least until im in a cold ditch somewhere with nothing but a rock with my name engraved in it and everything stopping.


End file.
